President Trump gave his State of the Union speech to Congress last night. I skipped it and played video games instead as part of my ongoing 2026 resolution to practice more self-care. But pinhead sycophants like CNN contributor Scott Jennings and Trump advisor Stephen Miller thought it killed, especially one moment in which the president tried to trick Democrats into appearing unpatriotic by not standing in support of ICE kidnapping kids off the street.

“If you agree with this statement, then stand up and show your support: The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens, not illegal aliens,” Trump told Congress. Got ’em! Sick burn, Mr. President! That’s how the charmless toadies riding his coattails responded on social media. “Will be signature moment of this speech,” Jennings, who gets paid the big bucks to launder fascist talking points on cable TV, wrote somewhat normally. “Trump nailed them.”

Then Miller responded like that friend at the party who promised you they they’d be chill and then moments later won’t shut up about the Magic: The Gathering banned card lists from 20 years ago. “Democrats declared to the world their searing disdain for, and profound disloyalty to, the actual citizens of the United States,” he wrote. “They were repeatedly entreated to stand. Over and over. They refused. It was a moment that chills to the bone and which will live for a thousand years.”

Sounds about right for the guy dancing like this to “Ice Ice Baby” at Mar-a-Lago hours before his wife announces their fourth child. “Why does this guy always talk like a World of Warcraft npc,” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wrote back. “Holy shit…Wasn’t expecting to catch that stray today…” responded veteran Blizzard designer Chadd Nervig in the comments. Previously a developer on World of Warcraft, Nervig now works on Hearthstone, which has immortalized some of the MMO’s best NPCs in card form. It would all be that much funnier if Miller wasn’t foaming at the mouth 24/7 to ruin other people’s lives.

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