Square Enix put out a few new clips from Final Fantasy VII Revelation that feel laser-targeted at me, the type of player who isn’t swayed by big open worlds or a conclusion to a story I think has been laughably inconsistent. You know what does draw me to the third game in Square Enix’s Remake trilogy? The lovable goofballs in its party. You know what’s even better at getting me to pay attention? Seeing the men in the group in their new bathing suits in the game’s hot-springs sections. That’s right, after giving the ladies their fanservice moment in Rebirth with their cute swimsuits in Costa del Sol, the men are getting some sun, and the boy likers are getting some eye candy with costumes that players will be able to unlock and use throughout the game, according to director Naoki Hamaguchi. But…wait…why is Cid as smooth as Cloud’s twink ass?
The two clips show a couple of humorous scenes of the party in hot springs together. One shows Cloud, Red XIII, and Barret trying to balance rubber chocobos on their heads, and the other has Barret and Cid stumbling upon Vincent bathing in full combat armor. For all my problems with the Remake trilogy, I have to admit it excels in fun moments like this. You can tell Square Enix loves these characters and riffing on their dynamics in cute ways in between all the big emotional swings and all the mini-game bloat. So I’m sure when we get these scenes in English, the voice cast will make them really sing for those of us who can’t understand the Japanese we hear in these clips. But I’m here to talk about what I can see instead of what’s being said, and Square Enix, I have some feedback.
【名湯めぐりの旅🐤】
冒険の合間に、ほっとひと息。#FF7リベレーション のワールドマップに隠された温泉スポット♨旅の仲間たちとのここでしか聞けない特別な会話が楽しめます。さらに最大HPアップの効果や衣装スキンが手に入ることも pic.twitter.com/S41hqabFqp
— ファイナルファンタジーVII リメイク (@FFVIIR_CLOUD) October 5, 2026
Barret is perfect. No notes, actually. You’re making up for sticking him in a sailor suit in Rebirth when he could have been showing off his beefy ripped self like god intended, and I appreciate it. It’s Cid that I take issue with. Rather than making the grizzled world’s-oldest-32-year-old a hairy-chested daddy like he should be, Square Enix has made this dude a hairless twink. I know you took away his cigarettes, Square, but he can still have a little bit of ruggedness, as a treat (for me).
Some games just straight up don’t have body hair on any character models, a limitation I’ve lamented in games like Dragon Age: The Veilguard, which lets you really customize your character but makes everyone from the twinkiest elf to the burliest dwarf smooth below the neck. But Final Fantasy VII Revelation and its predecessors don’t fall into this category. Barret has a hairy chest, so Square’s clearly not shying away from putting it in the game as a rule. It was refreshing when Wolverine went out of its way to make its claw-wielding hero hairy in just about every place he should be (though, what, does he shave his pits or something?) and constantly showcased it as his armor was torn apart in fights. So now when I see Cid, who is allegedly 32 but in actuality 47, looking like his body is the same as Cloud’s, I want to sit someone at Square Enix down and say, “hey, spiritually, this man should have a fuzzy chest, and I think we all know this. Revelation isn’t out on PC, PS5, Switch 2, and Xbox Series X/S until April 8, so there is time to rectify this.”
