There are simulators where you drive buses, farm corn, buy a zoo and manage fictional Twitch streamers. With the vibe coding epidemic, there’ll likely be even more in years to come. As expansive and particular as the genre has become, few really step up to the plate to exhaust themselves on the larger, societal consequences of your in-game side hustle. Car Park Capital, a new satirical parking lot simulator, asks how far you’re willing to go to build the world’s most successful parking space. And whether you’re willing to dismantle society to do it.
I’ve joked that the lockdown-era overexposure to social media seemingly split people into camps of new age medicine nationalists and folks who could differentiate the Haunted Mansion rides. I imagine the reason behind Robert Moses memes existing at all boils down to Defunctland, a popular YouTube channel that positioned the mid-century car-loving urban planner as the arch-enemy to amusement parks across America. This dynamic is at the forefront of Car Park Capital, a game that resembles RollerCoaster Tycoon and was picked up by the tycoon tycoons themselves, MicroProse.
The tutorial teases you with the gates of a bustling theme park, only to inform you that you’ll only be concerned with parking spots. You’ll learn to adjust prices, place appropriate yellow lines, build signage and, finally, sabotage public transit to boost business. Brushed up, it’s time to exercise this knowledge on a grander scale.
You start campaigns with a little paradise of a parking lot. In the dense, urban city, growing your business naturally is tough. If you want more square footage, you’ll need to evict apartment blocks and victory homes. But they’ll need somewhere to go, so put on your property developer hat and start constructing suburban sprawls. That’s killing two birds with one stone. Those far-off bungalows mean more people will have to drive. Which means they’ll need cars. So produce cars.
Cars need gas. So become an oil tycoon and drill baby drill! Buy up more property. Monitor desirability. Build superstores. Build drive-thrus. Build a ferris wheel that only cars can enjoy. Create and meet demand for more parking spaces. Evict tenants. Eviscerate local infrastructure. Privatize toilets. Establish a personal police force to pulverize those who dare protest. Hire your own fighter fighters for the day when push inevitably comes to shove.
Those who come to Car Park Capital hoping to focus on building the world’s most ornate parking garage might be surprised at how many hats they’ll be forced to wear. In service of taking paid-for driveways to their logical conclusion, you’ll simultaneous become Mr. Monopoly and Ronald McDonald. A horrifying chimera birthed from the pages of old Adbusters. Created by Dutch studio Hilkojj Interactive, it’s the most Paolo Pedercini game I’ve ever encountered made by someone other than Paolo Pedercini.
It’s an amusing, black hearted and admittedly engrossing game loop, but before long you’ll find yourself indestructible. A good metaphor, but maybe not captivating in the ultra-longhauls that simulators usually ascend to. The game is currently in early access, and when you are exhausted in the default city scenario you can see how much damage can be done to the Florida Keys. As Doug Ford cracks down on the cyclists of my own town for an additional traffic lane, it only felt appropriate to see how the other half lives, spooky as it was.
