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Home » Darth Vader Wants Flock Cameras To ‘Find The Rebel Scum’
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Darth Vader Wants Flock Cameras To ‘Find The Rebel Scum’

News RoomBy News Room20 August 20263 Mins Read
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Darth Vader Wants Flock Cameras To ‘Find The Rebel Scum’

Darth Vader, Sith Lord, former Jedi Knight, and generally all-around bad guy of Star Wars fame has come out publicly in favor of Flock surveillance cameras in a public comment at a San Diego city council meeting yesterday.

As reported by 404 Media, “Darth Vader” signed up and was called for public comment at an August 19 meeting for the Public Safety and Livable Neighborhoods Committee in San Diego, California. Vader, clad in his signature black cape and big helmet, approached the podium, accompanied by his heavy, signature breathing. He then spoke for nearly two minutes in favor of the ongoing and increased presence of Flock surveillance cameras around the city, saying the “Emperor” (presumably Palpatine, emperor of the Galactic Empire) is “a fan of Flock” and that “we must continue utilizing Flock technologies so that we can follow and surveil the rebel scum as they move from playground to playground, from playground to pool, from pool to gymnasium.

“Because we all know that the Flock cameras are not only following the license plate readers; they are following children. They are following children in parks and gymnasiums, and we need this. I need this so I can stalk my ex-girlfriend.”

Flock cameras, the surveillance cameras to which Vader refers, have been popping up in major cities nationwide courtesy of the private surveillance company Flock Safety. The company sells its services to various organizations, including law enforcement, who use its cameras to record and identify cars, license plates, individual people, audio including speech, and more. This information is logged and stored, and can be compared with various other databases to track individuals and vehicles.

Though ostensibly billed as a crime deterrent and crime-solving tool, numerous individuals, groups, and communities have pushed back against the cameras, saying their presence in communities effectively creates a police or surveillance state in which everyone’s comings and goings can be monitored by the government and, according to many allegations, misused by individuals who wish them harm. In San Diego specifically, for which Axios San Diego has an excellent breakdown of recent issues around Flock, activists and groups have been fighting back against the implementation of such cameras for some time now, but the city quietly signed a new deal with Flock late last year anyway.

Vader continued his speech, entreating the council to improve their Jedi mind tricks to fool the public into thinking the police were “more humanitarian” and not to inadvertently remind the populace that the council had recently “effectively criminalized homelessness. Which is good. Now we can fill our jails with free prison labor, especially like that of the Otay Mason Detention Center, where they are making $1 a day for working for 12 hours, and there have been multiple cases of tuberculosis. Yes, and this is good. This is what the Emperor needs.”

Here, Vader is likely referring to a 2023 ban on homeless camping signed by the San Diego City Council, and reports of horrific conditions at the Otay Mason Detention Center in San Diego.

Vader concluded by returning to the subject of Flock cameras, saying they would help the Empire “find Luke Skywalker” and “the rebel scum and their hidden base on Hoth.” He disappeared after the meeting and has not been reachable for comment since, likely because he has flown off to the Death Star to borrow some ideas from the mounting surveillance state he just commented on, so as to better rule the Galactic Empire with an evil, iron fist.

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