Gamer imposter syndrome is par for the course when you’re not a man. I grew up thinking that, even though I loved them, video games weren’t meant for people like me. I shied away from behemoth titles like Dark Souls because I was convinced that only a certain kind of person could successfully play these games.
According to Psychology Today, girls are socialized to believe that capability is an inherent, static trait. “[Young girls] avoid challenges, try to look smart, give up easily if they can’t be perfect on the first try, and see added effort as fruitless. Meanwhile, young boys who are told to keep trying tend to develop a growth mindset — the belief that ability can be developed. They embrace challenges, persist during setbacks, and believe that with more effort or repetitions, they can master a task.”
I was conditioned to believe that I couldn’t play soulslikes because of some predetermined trait that I had no control over. Still, at my partner’s insistence, I bought Dark Souls: Remastered for half off and gave it a try, bracing myself for imminent failure and humiliation.
I’m not gonna lie and say the first few hours were good. I would make my way past a cluster of undead soldiers just to get immediately destroyed by the next horde and have to start all over again. I was frustrated, yelling at the TV screen that it was ridiculous and unfair and WHERE WAS THE NEXT BONFIRE??? I went up to an enemy and drank an Estus Flask, and my partner patiently reminded me that the attack button was R, not X.
Eventually, I made it to Taurus Demon, an early boss in the game’s Undead Burg area. He was enormous and terrifying. I thought about how far away the last bonfire was, how much I had struggled just to get to this point. How soon I’d die and have to do it all over again.
As I kept getting killed by—and subsequently crawling my way back to—Taurus Demon, the gauntlet of undead in my path got easier. I grew accustomed to their attack patterns, and was able to easily take out enemies that just a few hours before had felt terrifying and unbeatable. One time, I made it to the Taurus Demon, got killed by an attack I recognized just a little too late, and shocked myself by muttering, “Yeah. That’s fair.”
My partner could hardly contain his excitement. “You get it now.”
What I didn’t know, and what makes Dark Souls such a legendary game, is that it teaches you how to conquer it—so long as you’re willing to learn. I ended up beating Dark Souls, DLC included, in less time than it had taken my partner on his first try just to beat the main game. This game that I was convinced only people like my partner could play, I turned out to actually be better at than him. All I needed was the courage to try.
