Uwe Boll, the filmmaker-turned-restaurateur who recently, unfortunately, returned to filmmaking, is the man behind several famously bad adaptations of beloved video game properties, including Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, Postal, and Far Cry. Although Boll promised to retire in 2016, following the release of Rampage: President Down, he is now threatening a directorial return, as he’s just announced 23 Years Later — The Castle of the Dead: an “unofficial sequel” to his 2003 travesty House of the Dead.
As revealed by The Hollywood Reporter, Boll’s decision to come out of retirement is apparently the fault of Paul W. S. Anderson, the second most famous director of terrible video-game-to-film adaptations, such as Resident Evil and Monster Hunter. Throw in Christophe Gans, the director behind Silent Hill and Return to Silent Hill, and you’ve got one hell of a nightmare blunt rotation.
Turns out that Anderson already started shooting on a new official The House Of The Dead film last year, in collaboration with Sega. Boll, based on the quote he provided to The Hollywood Reporter, has taken this as some form of personal slight: “When I heard that Paul Anderson is rebooting House of the Dead, I immediately knew that it would be a soulless CGI orgy. And I want to do a completely different zombie movie: Bloody, gory, and handmade.”
Due to the non-specific way Boll phrased “Paul Anderson,” my personal headcanon is that he believes that Paul Thomas Anderson, the Oscar-winning director behind films such as One Battle After Another, Boogie Nights, and There Will Be Blood, is actually the one heading up the new The House of the Dead film. Perhaps he heard that Daniel Day-Lewis has recently come out of retirement as well, and assumes he’ll be starring.
Also, I’m sorry, but this quote from The Hollywood Reporter’s article is just too funny to ignore: “Boll is keeping the plot of the new film under wraps but said 23 Years Later will be set in a castle.” Uwe, brother…the film is called 23 Years Later — The Castle of the Dead. Did you think you were giving them a huge scoop? This just in: Sonic the Hedgehog 4 director Jeff Fowler has revealed that the upcoming film will feature a hedgehog.
The terrible news isn’t quite over yet, however, as Boll also announced that he’s optioned the film rights for another Alone in the Dark film from publisher THQ Nordic, and his Armie Hammer-led action film, Citizen Vigilante, is already in the post-production phase. Everything I just typed sounds like a joke, but it is, unfortunately, true.
