After years of searching, the hunt for Diablo 4’s secret cow level is at its end, and the reward is what is without a doubt the most ridiculous item in Diablo history.
Despite developer Blizzard insisting it didn’t exist (itself a cow level tradition), the hunt for Diablo 4’s cow level began as soon as the game first launched in 2023. In the past three years, players have been acquiring mysterious items thought to be associated with the cow level, with steps that required killing 666 cows, hidden timers, and riddles that took players all across Diablo 4’s world. But all the items discovered at the end of these breadcrumb trails had no real immediate use, leading to dead ends.
That changed with the release of Diablo 4’s new Lord of Hatred expansion and its addition of the Horadric Cube. By combining items like the stamina potion and rusted bardiche (both references to Diablo 2’s cow level), as well as a new item, the Hand of Neyrelle, players have been able to access a new island off the coast of Skovos. Inside a cellar on the abandoned island is ring of cows that look to be preparing for a magic ritual.
But that is just one step of the process. The island offered even more clues, though it didn’t take secret hunters from Diablo 4’s Not Finding A Cow Level Discord long to figure out what needed to be done. After unlocking the boat to the island off Skovos, players who have already done the previous steps need to travel back to a shrine at the Kyovashad gatehouse and inscribe “Greed” on a tablet there. From there, returning to a location in western Skovos pointed to in a map fragment holds a new message, one that reads “knowing it existed wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I needed more. To see with my own eyes.”
Upon returning to the island, the cows in the form of a summoning circle can then be killed (but only on Tuesdays, apparently), finally opening a gateway to the fabled secret cow level. Inside is about what you’d expect–armies of upright walking, bardiche-wielding cows, as seen in the cow level from previous Diablo games. Explore long enough, and players will encounter a new boss, The Cow King, and the real reward of this entire years-long mystery.
The cow level itself isn’t exactly all that exciting. The enemy density is quite low, and the loot the cows drop is nothing to be too thrilled about. But the reward for defeating The Cow King, The Cow King’s Crown, is certainly eyebrow raising in its sheer ridiculousness.
It’s a Mythic rarity helm with a different, wacky affix for every day of the week–each a tongue-in-cheek reference to the early days of Diablo 4 when item modifiers tended to be incredibly specific and, more often than not, not very useful. Below are the stats of what might be the most worthless (or secretly most powerful) Mythic Unique item in Diablo 4.
- Moonday: +1 Damage to Two-Legged Enemies (if Leg x 2 = Damage)
- Tuesday: 10% Decreased chance to be unlucky against yay-Distant enemies. A yay-Distant enemy is between 3-18 hooves equal distant when placed parallel to the equator on this afternoon.
- Wednesday: Chance to reduce enemy Cooldown (No)
- Thursday: After picking up a Legendary item, gain 3% more damage to Bullnerable Stunned non-Elites between the hours of 3 AM and 4 AM for 2.5 seconds.
- Friday: +10.26% Mobility damage while moving
- Saturday: +1.3% chance to ignore Crowd Control if you have already been Crowd Controlled for over 10 weeks in Helltide
- Sunday: +51 Life on Death (+ Maybe)
For those who don’t have time to go through the complete secret cow level questline (as broken down here by Silver of Time), there is a shortcut. If you happen to know someone who has completed the questline and unlocked the “Moo” emote associated with it, you can skip ahead to the final portion of the quest by having them use the emote near you. From there, you just need to go inscribe the greed tablet at the Kyovashad gatehouse, and then travel to western Skovos where the Outcast’s journal is located to access a portal to the cow level.
With that, the long quest for Diablo 4’s biggest secret has come to an end. Is the reward worth it? Probably not, but as they say, it’s about the journey, not the destination. Now the real question is, when will Blizzard add the secret pony level?
