Previews of The Duskbloods dropped today, and among the many things we got was a first look at some of the game’s playable characters. There are 10 total coming at launch, but we got to see six of them, and hell yeah, guys, they look like total idiots.
Just ridiculous doofuses all around:
Look at these clowns! My God! First you’ve got Albert, the most normie-ass vampire I’ve ever seen.
Then you’ve got, uh, let’s see, someone named “Bloodhand Jan” who’s chosen to wear their pajamas to the blood ritual or whatever it is we’re doing.
Trang Lanh is the one cool person in this line-up, but you need one person to be cool for the whole group to collectively be funny.
Sniper Layla was ripped out of Fallout probably, is missing half their head, and wants you to think they’re edgy when they’re really as dorky as the rest of them.
A freaking senator?! This world has elected officials?! It has a GOVERNMENT?! Absolutely the flip not.
Zork? Really? Zork? I don’t have anything more to say. ZORK?!
I love this. So. So. Much. FromSoftware has historically been one of the most masterful studios at making characters who are just total freaks. Elden Ring had giant jars filled with assorted human guts, a turtle pope, and The Dung Eater. Dark Souls 3 had someone named “Pickle Pee,” for God’s sake. Patches exists. I tried King’s Field IV a couple of weeks ago, and basically everyone I met was cursed and/or depressed. The last time I played Nightreign, I saw a lady in the lobby licking the wall. Remember Big Hat Logan?!
I could go on and list dozens of sicko FromSoftware characters, but I won’t take up your day with it. The point is that I think FromSoftware has really outdone itself with this cast. Every time I look at that image, I laugh out loud at my desk, to no one. I’m laughing right now. Zork? Really? Dude, this game is gonna rule. I can’t wait for the network test this weekend. I’m gonna try out all six of these absolute maniacs and have a great time.