Would you believe me if I said Kotaku didn’t originally intend for a ranking of the best SpongeBob Squarepants episodes to line up with the series’ 27th anniversary? It’s true! We were literally just talking about putting one together yesterday without realizing that today, May 1, marks 27 years since the animated comedy first debuted on Nickelodeon.
It’s kind of sad to say that SpongeBob Squarepants has been living in mediocrity for longer than it was good, as most would readily admit the show declined heavily in quality after its third season when original showrunner Stephen Hillenburg stepped down from the role. Hillenberg directed the original 2004 movie and intended for it to be the series finale, but like many popular things, SpongeBob Squarepants was kept alive because Mr. Krabs’ greed is art imitating life. But man, those first three seasons were an incredible, generational run of stupid stoner comedy whose intelligent idiocy has kept it timeless, even as Nickelodeon drags the series’ decaying corpse through over two decades of multimedia.
All that said, trying to rank the best episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants is not an easy task. As we were debating what episodes to feature and where they’d fall on this list, we kept remembering episodes we’d forgotten that absolutely deserved recognition. But we kill our darlings when we do these rankings, so feel free to yell about what’s missing in the comments.
15. “Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III”
Though the senile superhero duo is featured in the episode’s title, the real star of “Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III” is one of the pair’s arch nemeses, called Man Ray. Spongebob and Patrick’s attempts to rehabilitate the villain result in some of the show’s most memorable comedic setpieces. In an attempt to outwit the two, Man Ray plays ball. He goes along with all their requests in hopes that they’ll remove the dreaded tickle belt from his waist and he can get back to doing crimes without the threat of being tickled, only for his faux earnestness to constantly get undermined by the two’s stupidity. The “Wallet” scene is still one of Spongebob’s best, and has maintained meme status to this day. — Kenneth Shepard
14. “The Fry Cook Games”
A man with as much corporate loyalty as SpongeBob will follow the Krusty Krab into places he otherwise wouldn’t go with a gun. The historically out-of-shape sponge competes in an Olympics-style Fry Cook Games with the gusto of a trained athlete. Anything for Mr. Krabs and his hamburger establishment, right? “The Fry Cook Games” is a testament to early SpongeBob’s ability to riff on a concept, no matter how improbable, and do so with a non-stop barrage of jokes as it pits some of the cattiest characters in the cartoon against each other. Imagine if Squidward had been there. The diva-off would have been a cultural reset. — Kenneth Shepard
13. “Frankendoodle”
SpongeBob SquarePants can be a very strange cartoon. But if you stop and think about it, even by those strange standards, “Frankendoodle,” an episode featuring Sponge and Patrick finding a human-dropped pencil in the ocean and using it to create a living being, is one of the show’s oddest segments. Why is the pencil magic? Why do the drawings come to life? No idea, but it doesn’t matter because once the evil DoodleBob shows up, this episode becomes a non-stop, nearly horror-like comedy adventure with some great gags and bits. – Zack Zwiezen
12. “Rock Bottom”
So much of SpongeBob’s comedy comes from its often-mismatched cast playing off one another, but “Rock Bottom” proves that leaving SpongeBob alone in a freaky ocean crevice for several minutes is just as entertaining. I cannot believe how much mileage these writers and animators got out of that stupid bus gag: from Patrick catching it right away, to the lengthy sequence of SpongeBob missing bus after bus after bus, to Sponge’s repeated attempts at “tricking” a motor vehicle. It’s pure Looney Tunes.
This episode is also irritatingly relatable if you have ever had to wait for a bus in an unfamiliar area with an unreadable bus schedule and an inexcusably weird time table. Every time I see my bus pulling away before I get to the stop, I remember Grandpa Squarepants’ advice: Don’t run for a bus. Especially one that’s going up at a 90-degree angle. -Rebekah Valentine
11. “One Krabs Trash”
Ah, the thrill of finding a ridiculous-looking object at a garage sale or thrift store and becoming inordinately attached to it, perhaps to our detriment? I love this episode because it starts out fairly innocuously, like you know there are going to be shenanigans but not to what extent, and then you get slapped with the floating shopping list gag and the whole thing only gets better from there. Krabs invents “Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen,” who turns out to be a real (dead) #1 of something, the hat turns out to be worth nothing, and Spongebob once again becomes the latest trendsetter. Squidward mourning over a gravestone of his “hopes and dreams” is an all-timer. — Rebekah Valentine
10. “Squidville”
Who among us hasn’t dreamed of moving away from our annoying neighbors and into a metropolis of likeminded people? That’s what Squidward does in “Squidville,” and at first, it all seems great. The people of Tentacle Acres are just as snooty and pompous as he is, but he thrives in knowing where he stands, having access to all the luxuries he dreams of like canned bread, and regularly dances with an interpretive dance group. This perfect life then repeats itself over and over until Squidward realizes he’s growing bored of getting to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He misses SpongeBob’s annoying antics, and causes an uprising in the city as he desperately tries to recapture the “fun” of his old neighborhood’s chaos. SpongeBob is at its best when it’s actually getting into some real existential shit while making jokes, and “Squidville” is one of the best examples of it. — Kenneth Shepard
9. “Dying for Pie”
“Dying for Pie” is an all-timer, but I feel like it’s often forgotten when discussing the best of Spongebob. It revolves around a pretty classic SpongeBob conflict: SpongeBob is an innocent, annoying, yet sincere fellow, and Squidward is a stuffy cynic who hates love and fun and just wants some peace and quiet. The two are forced together for a full episode of doing whatever Sponge wants by the wonderfully unbelievable plot device of a cherry pie-shaped bomb, setting off a series of incredible gags ranging from “A bomb factory. They’re bombs.” to “Hey Frank” to Squidward getting open heart surgery from Sponge himself. Obviously, SpongeBob is fine at the end, much to Squidward’s fury…and injury. — Rebekah Valentine
8. “Idiot Box”
The early years of SpongeBob are filled with episodes that my friends and I still quote more often than I’d like to admit. But I think we might quote this episode, famously featuring Patrick and SpongeBob having fun in a cardboard box, more than any other segment in the animated show’s (still going) run. I still cackle at the moment when Squidward, fed up with how loud the duo is, kicks the box and sets off an avalanche that leads to a bit revolving around them cutting off their frozen arms with saws. It’s one of those jokes that only works as an audio gag, and one which feels shockingly dark for the series. But I love it so much. Plus, this is where SpongeBob doing the “IMAGINATION” rainbow hand gesture comes from, and that alone helps it make the list. – Zack Zwiezen
7. “Shanghaied”
As usual, Squidward’s “I’m going to speak to the manager” attitude sets off some nonsense. I think some of the later Flying Dutchman episodes come off a little too cringy by virtue of trying to recapture the magic of this introductory episode. “Leedleeedleeedleeedle” will never be funnier than it was the first time, we will never know how Spongebob performs that weird trick with his fingers, and we will never be free of the very relatable agonies of having to walk through the perfume department.
If you didn’t watch this episode in its original form or on certain DVD releases, you may not know it actually has three different endings, too! Most people see the one where Spongebob wishes the Dutchman is a vegetarian (who then turns them all into fruits), but there’s another where Patrick wishes for chewing gum, and another still where Squidward wishes he had never met Sponge or Patrick. The last one is my favorite: they lose their memory of Squidward, but are still stuck on the ship, so they just introduce themselves again. — Rebekah Valentine
6. “The Camping Episode”
It’s always wild to me that this one episode of the show features both the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song and the Seabear segment. Two of the best bits from the show’s first few years in one banger episode. That’s just impressive. And it happens in an episode that has the very dull-sounding plot of “The gang goes on a no-thrills camping trip.” It’s an example of how the early years of SpongeBob could mine humor out of even the most simple setups.
I’ll always laugh at the bit involving the Seabear showing up and attacking Squidward over and over again, which leads to the moment when it seems like the monster attacks for no reason, and Sponge simply suggests, “I don’t know? I guess he just doesn’t like you!” – Zack Zwiezen
5. “Wet Painters”
SpongeBob Squarepants managed to make an entire episode about watching paint dry into one of its funniest. “Wet Painters” has SpongeBob and Patrick painting Mr. Krabs’ hoarder home a new shade of white. They’re told the paint is permanent, and SpongeBob’s panicky fear about getting it on any of Mr. Krabs’ knick-knacks is juxtaposed by Patrick’s nonchalant calm as the two spend more time cleaning up a tiny speck of paint on Mr. Krabs’ prized first dollar than they do painting the walls. “Wet Painters” is an incredibly stressful 11 minutes of animation and by god if they didn’t somehow also make it one of the most entertaining 11 minutes in the series. To have your audience be on the edge of their seats while they’re also laughing at some incredible bits is a remarkable feat. — Kenneth Shepard
4. “Krusty Krab Training Video”
I believe “Krusty Krab Training Video” is the most joke-heavy segment in the show’s history. That could have been a disaster, but because nearly every gag, bit, and joke works, it ends up being a condensed masterclass in why SpongeBob is such a funny show that, 25+ years later, three adults sat down and spent an hour debating its best episodes.
Just off the top of my head, you have the “Hoopla!” guy, Patrick annoying Squidward, Krabs as a kid, the wild narrator, POOP, and the running gag of Sponge desperately wanting to make a Krusty Krab burger. And all of this (and more) is presented perfectly as a cheaply made employee training video. Cutting the episode off right as the narrator gets ready to reveal the Krusty Burger’s secret recipe is a perfect ending joke for one of the show’s funniest episodes eve. – Zack Zwiezen
3. “Pizza Delivery”
One of the earliest memories I have of my life as an internet user is somehow finding a clip of SpongeBob singing the Krusty Krab Pizza song, in an era long before YouTube or media companies were sharing stuff online, and downloading it so my brother and I could burn it to a CD and memorize it. So yeah, I have some fond memories of this segment.
Funnily enough, the last time I went back and watched this segment, I realized that the song isn’t even the best bit of this episode about Squidward and Sponge being forced to deliver a pizza. You have the boulder bit and one of the best endings in the show’s history, where Squidward, in a rare moment of loyalty to SpongeBob, attacks the angry asshole who complains about his pizza being late after everything the duo went through. That’s how you end a weird character-driven episode of animated TV! Other shows, take note. – Zack Zwiezen
2. “Chocolate with Nuts”
SpongeBob oscillates between treating its titular fry cook as an adult with a fully developed frontal lobe and as someone with a childlike naivete. “Chocolate with Nuts” marries both as he and Patrick become enamored with the idea of a “get rich quick” scheme that could help elevate them into a higher standard of living. Squidward tells them that people reach that status by selling things to people, and SpongeBob and Patrick latch onto the one thing they want in that moment: chocolate bars. The duo’s door-to-door sales pitch teaches them the fundamental failures of capitalism, and solidifies for them at the end that the entire thing is a matter of dumb luck above all else. But on the way, the two weave some of SpongeBob’s most iconic scenes and soundbites, from Tom’s bloodcurdling screams of “Chocolate!” as he stalks SpongeBob and Patrick across Bikini Bottom, to the escalating ridiculousness of the boys’ sales pitch. Old-school SpongeBob commits to a bit with an unmatched determination, and “Chocolate with Nuts” is the series’ riffing at its finest. — Kenneth Shepard
1. “Band Geeks”
It’s pretty telling that in the many, many conversations I’ve had over the years with fellow Spongebob fans, everyone pretty much unanimously agrees that “Chocolate with Nuts” and “Band Geeks” are the two best episodes of all time. For us, “Band Geeks” very, very narrowly edges out “Chocolate with Nuts.” It is a perfect episode. Eleven minutes and four seconds of nonstop excellent jokes. Squidward’s attempt to organize all the denizens of Bikini Bottom into a marching band is a delicious disaster resulting in all-timers like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” “Too bad that didn’t kill me.” “The owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on.” and “Yeah, for the fireman!” “They couldn’t come. They…died.”
The whole thing culminates in what may be the best scene in all of SpongeBob: the performance by the band of “Sweet Victory” for a screaming football-loving crowd of humans. It’s one of the few Spongebob episodes that ends on a note of sincere pure triumph and joy, rather than just on a gag of some sort, and boy, does this episode earn that moment. — Rebekah Valentine